I'd like to share 5 ways in which I use the mind - body connection to help children and teens have a positive mindset for whatever they need to do.
Children who are nervous about going to school in the morning.
I've worked with a great many such children and teens. They can't get out of bed, they may be frozen with fear about what might happen at school, who might be 'mean' to them or what they might feel in challenging situations. They fear getting told off, being bullied, getting the answer wrong and most of all, having no-one to play with them or hang out in break.
Fear sits in our root chakra. When our chakra is balanced we feel safe but when we feel in danger the root chakra is underactive. This causes us to shut down and because our root chakra or base chakra is at the base of our spine, movement becomes difficult. We need it to be balanced so we feel centred, protected and grounded.
We can use an Essential oil such as Doterra's Balance oil which is a grounding blend which I direct parents to rub over the soles of the feet before bed and on waking. Another effective oil is Doterra's On Guard blend which can be used in an inhaler and kept in the school bag.
We can use a red crystal such as Red Jasper, Garnet, Ruby or a black crystal such as Obsidian or Tourmaline or brown Tiger's Eye. These can be under your child's pillow at night.
Funnily enough, eating red and dark colour fruit and veg also helps balance the root chakra, so red apples, strawberries, plums, red peppers and so on
Good affirmations for starting the day are
"I am safe"
"I am grounded"
and standing barefoot on the ground will help of course.
By embodying calm, through the pose, by balancing the root chakra, being supported by a red crystal and the balancing essential oil, speaking the affirmation "I am safe" the root chakra will balance and your child will feel grounded and ready for whatever the school day brings. Do the pose together and add in some EFT tapping. Here is the tapping diagram. If you are unfamiliar with EFT then either book a 30minute discovery chat for me to show you (you can record it) or my YouTube channel has lots of videos to watch.
2. Children who get anxious or angry around their sport or exercise.
I was working with a boy whose father was really worried about his anxiety just before a football match. It can be helpful with anxiety to be a bit of a detective and explore when the child is NOT anxious. This boy was not anxious when his mum took him to the game. Apparently mum put music on in the car and they sang along, she let him go off and get changed and spent most of the match on her phone or talking to the other mums. She didn't even notice the game or how well he played and just told him he was amazing.
Dad however spent the whole journey telling him "now don't worry" "don't worry" - this is a hyponotic embedded command and the boy's brain will just hear the word 'worry'. During the match he noticed every little error and ran up and down the pitch shouting and cheering on the team. His son felt a disappointment and knew his dad thought he could do better. As a result he played badly, missed passes and he felt worse and worse almost to the point of feeling sick and having to come off.
When I explained this to his mum and dad when they came to collect him, they laughed and were relieved the situation could so easily be fixed.
Another client was a girl who performed in dance competitions. So, yes, I discovered when she was not nervous. She was absolutely fine for her solo performances. Curious. You'd think that would be more nerve wracking, wouldn't you? So what was different about the group dances?
Her mum had to do her hair for the group dances as it had to be the same as the other girls in the dance. While she brushed her daughter's hair, she said as she brushed "don't worry" now "don't worry". The combination of the brushing motion and the repeated words meant that by the time her hair was done, the dancer was overwhelmed with worry.
Message to parents - focus on what you want them to feel.
3. Children who struggle to make friends
In NLP there are 'meta programmes' which I teach children if it's likely to be helpful, in therapy sessions and it's covered in the courses I deliver which you can find in the Training Room'. One of these is 'big chunk' and 'small chunk'. Big chunk means they think global, big picture thinking. 'Making friends' is a big chunk thing. There are no details. Small chunk would be that missing detail regarding how it happens. So where in a child's life might the pattern of small chunk thinking be evident. Remember we're not looking to figure out what's wrong. We are looking for where it's right. This can often be in the child's sport but it could also exist in other areas of their life such as playing video games, making a cake etc.
So I asked the boy (in this case but I've also had umpteen other cases where kids struggle to make friends) about his football. Here are some of the questions
what position do you play
what do you have to do in that position
what's important about doing that
how do you do that exactly
talk me through it as if you were training me
what skills do you have to have to be able to do that
It was striking how the skills were exactly what you need to make a friend!
One of the NLP Presuppositions (you'll find them in most of my parent books) is
'we already have all the resources we need'
again some detective work may be needed to find them.
I don't tell children what to do. I find out where and when they already know. Then it's quite easy for them to transfer that existing skill to where they need it.
4. Helping children manage their anger
Lots of children get angry on and off the pitch or in their sport. They don't set out to be angry. Behind anger is fear. Fear of
not being good enough
failure
not being liked
being laughed at
being shouted at
Giving children unconditional love will reassure them that no matter how they do at school or in their sport or hobby will reduce the angry feelings.
Again though it is important to identify when they are NOT angry in their sport or at school. When do they cope with getting a lower grade than expected or missing a goal, losing a match? What is that pattern and how can you replicate it?
I've worked with many boys who have expressed anger and as a result have been threatened to be dropped from the team
at the referee/umpire/coach
at an opponent
at themselves
at a teammate
There are a number of ways to manage anger using breathing and tapping but I'd like to tell you about anchoring. In this case the anger in the body is being calmed by implementing an anchor or association which has the opposite effect.
We use something they have to hand such as a racket or the laces on their boot, a karate belt. We then ask them to decide what feeling they want to have instead of anger. By altering the breathing and body posture, visualising a colour perhaps that makes them feel calm, music, or a place that reminds them of calm and happy times, we can replace the feeling. The full instructions on anchoring can be found in my parenting books.
I once helped a client create a visualisation of her favourite dessert - millefeuille before she opened her laptop so that when she saw it was her 'ex' she would be feeling calm rather than angry, anticipating another change in their arrangements.
5. Helping your child feel confident
Before an exam, a performance or presentation, starting a new school or meeting someone new, children can feel 'less than'. It doesn't mean they aren't confident in other situations though, as I've already explained. So talk about what they want to feel. Avoid assuming their thoughts as we are not them and they might have a word that comes to their mind that wouldn't have been our choice. Once you've got the word ask them to say the word loudly and imagine themselves in that situation where they feel that word. Then ask them to imagine taking a photo of that moment. Get them now to imagine making that photo larger and larger and putting on the wall. Give it a frame, what colour would that be? Now ask them to imagine the colour of that frame around their photo and breathe it in. Tell them to use that colour to change their neural pathways to a new way of thinking about that thing they were nervous of. Now would they like to make a superhero pose to anchor that feeling?
There are some great yoga poses around confidence, I like the warrior pose, don't you? I use these Yoga Pretzels with kids.
You can also ask your child "what animal or bird are you when you feel .....(the word they chose)" now imagine you are that ........(animal or bird they chose).
The mind and body are connected and when you connect them to create the desired state by working with them and their feelings, thoughts and where they feel it in their body, what colour or animal it is and so on. They have at their fingertips a way to manage their emotions.
Are you interested in training to help children or doing any of my courses?
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