Have you ever wondered why it is that when another parent is telling their child off or you see a child misbehaving you don’t get stressed by it; indeed you may hardly notice it. Yet when it is your own child misbehaving or you disciplining your child it seems as if the whole world can hear and is aware of it? Our perception is completely different when we are emotionally involved in the situation. In fact, many times it is that emotional involvement that gets in the way of our being able to reason or calm down the situation. Our inner voice is reprimanding us, telling us we are bad parents, that our child is out of control and it is all our fault. Does this sound familiar?
We’ve all been there, haven’t we? We lose our temper and say things we didn’t mean. We shout at our children and lose our temper and we may cry. In many cases we are tired and fed up with the seemingly endless task of parenting and we want some peace and quiet, some time out to relax and unwind but that’s so hard to get.
I want to teach you an NLP technique for taking the emotion out of the situation. It’s a technique you can teach your own children as well so that they can use it when someone makes them angry. Remember, how you react to their behaviour will be what they copy when someone annoys them. We want to teach them skills that will allow them to have self-control because when they become teenagers the sort of conflicts they will meet will potentially be a lot more dangerous. It is therefore so important for them to learn how to control their anger when they are young.
Step 1 – Notice your state. Are you tense? Are your shoulders tight? Is your face tense? Be aware of the danger signs and the triggers that set you off. Are they visual (what you see) auditory (what you hear) or kinaesthetic (what your child does)? Just taking a minute to be aware of your state gives you back some control.
Step 2 – Imagine you could float up above your body and be a CCTV camera looking down at the situation. What would this camera notice? What is actually happening when you look at the situation as if you are not in it yourself?
Step 3 – Now seeing the situation as that CCTV camera, what could you do to calm the situation down?
Step 4 – Take a deep breath and do it.
The reason this process works is because
- You’ve paused and given yourself a few minutes to consider your reaction
- The situation really does look different once you’ve taken the emotion out of it
- Your mind and body are one. By taking control of your physical state you automatically take control of your mental state and vice versa. This is how athletes operate.
Away from the situation just think about what that trigger was because it may reoccur. Think about whether it was visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. There are other NLP techniques you can learn in my books. I would particularly recommend ‘Be a happier parent with NLP’ or my EBook ‘Positive Parenting with NLP’. They are available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and the Book Depository in all formats. If you often have a problem with your child you can book a SKYPE or telephone consultation with me.