We all think we know what Positive Parenting is and claim to practice it but it really isn’t, in my opinion, just a matter of piling praise on your child. I’ve been offering therapy to parents and children for many years and spoken to parents, other authors of parenting books and experts in the field and my conclusion is that there are 3 main ways we can parent positively that will make a huge difference.
1. Avoid adding the word ‘but’ after what you say. You possibly don’t even realise you’re doing it. We sometimes unconsciously add ‘but………..’ because we don’t want our child to get too big-headed or because we don’t want them to forget that they aren’t perfect, maybe this was something of a ‘one-off’. When we praise them and then follow it with ‘but……’ we take away the impact and effectively snatch back the compliment. We give a gift and we take it away again. This is not positive and can leave children feeling very low in self-confidence.
2. Be specific about the praise. What exactly did they do and what was it an example of? They need to know where to mentally file it away. Was it an example of being smart or kind, helpful, patient. You will have your own family values so assuming you want to pass these on to your child, mention which value their behaviour reflected so they have this as part of their identity. For example, “thank you for taking your clothes upstairs and putting them away. That was very helpful.”
3. Notice the behaviour itself so they can repeat it. Own it as something you noticed and be careful not to mind-read their intentions. Assume they had positive intentions. Sometimes we say things like ‘that’s better’ or ‘you’re a good boy’ but children don’t learn anything from this about what they did that was good. They live totally in the moment so the praise needs to be specific and immediate.
This EBook is an introduction to NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming and how it can be a great help in parenting. Positive Parenting is encourages all over the world in most cultures.
Click HERE to go to my page on Smashwords and read all about it.