Get your child to do what you’ve asked….the first time.


Would you like to get your child to do what you ask, the first time? Here are some helpful tips in disciplining your toddler or child.

Some children have a clear idea of what they want. They have what we call a ‘compelling outcome’. In any situation, however seemingly trivial they know what they want the outcome to be. It may be to get a good mark, impress the teacher, surprise their friends, score a goal or something like that. They may think of it as something that they want to see (a smile on their friend’s face) something they want to hear (the teacher saying ”well done”) or something they want to happen (going up a level in Maths). These are called visual, auditory and kinaesthetic. When children have a compelling outcome that is positive we describe them as being ‘towards’ in terms of their filter. They are moving towards something they want. When we want to motivate and support them we need to use those types of words and talk about what they want and what they’re aiming for.

Some children don’t have a clear idea of what they want but they do know what they don’t want. We call this ‘away from’. They don’t want to be ill and miss the football game, they don’t want to get in trouble, they don’t want to be late, they don’t want another boring weekend and they don’t want to have vegetables for supper.

identify which your child is. Does your child talk about what he wants or what he doesn’t want?

Now you, which do you tend to be – ‘towards’ or ‘away from’.

The secret to successful motivating is to match with your child. Here are some examples.

First mismatching.

Child – “I don’t like vegetables, I don’t want to eat them.” (away from)

Mum – “Come on, eat them up then you will be strong and healthy” (towards)

boy and cooked vegetables

Then matching.

Child – “I don’t like vegetables, I don’t want to eat them.” (away from)

Mum – “If you don’t eat them you won’t be able to go out to play” (away from)

Mismatching.

Child – “Hurry up Mummy I want to get to school early so I can play with my friends.” (towards)

Mum – “Don’t worry we won’t be late.” (away from)

Matching

Child – “Hurry up Mummy I want to get to school early so I can play with my friends.” (towards)

Mum – “”Well help me find my keys so we can get going.” (towards)

I am sure you can all think of relevant examples from your own household conversations.

If you have more than one child remember your children may not both be the same so you may have to speak differently to them, for example

“Come on Jess you’ll be late for school (to an away from child) Henry get a move on so you can play with your friends before school (towards child). “

By the way, this works with partners too!

If you’d like to learn more about how to motivate your child, buy ‘Be a happier parent with NLP’ in my online bookshop , Amazon or Barnes and Noble. If you’re ‘away from’ then it will help you avoid the pitfalls in communicating with your child. If you are ‘towards’ then it will enable you to clearly communicate what you want your child to do.

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